u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
