you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize