I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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