i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
