We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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