I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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