Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
