My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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