Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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