I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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