Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
