Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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