A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
