just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
