Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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