Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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