I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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