Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
