I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
