Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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