What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
