I wish I only lived at night.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
