she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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