you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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