Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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