I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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