so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
