I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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