just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
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We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
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My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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