FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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