Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
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Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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