i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
