nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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