Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
