She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
