I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
