C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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