So drunk, too bad you don't want this
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
