I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
