I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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