my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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