Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
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my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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