Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
