Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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