My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
