I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
