I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
