I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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