i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
