Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
