I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize