my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
