Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
