Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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