still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
