My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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