You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
