Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.