True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
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Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
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future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."