At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.