I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.