Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Randomize
