saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick