Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
make that 40.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
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you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
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Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."