Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight

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  (313): I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight http://tfl.nu/ts9f
  Replies (2) Good night (597) Bad night (1073)
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  (562): View more from California

  trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"

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  (562): trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander" http://tfl.nu/pjq1
  Replies (20) Good night (3320) Bad night (715)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.

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  (904): 5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal. http://tfl.nu/ja8n
  Replies (25) Good night (2963) Bad night (623)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.

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  (217): It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol. http://tfl.nu/d6go
  Replies (3) Good night (3186) Bad night (988)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.

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  (309): Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary. http://tfl.nu/11rw
  Replies (15) Good night (3660) Bad night (960)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.

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  (317): Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will. http://tfl.nu/znpi
  Replies (10) Good night (2384) Bad night (875)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.

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  (910): I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling. http://tfl.nu/sj19
  Replies (6) Good night (2681) Bad night (712)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.

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  (503): He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis. http://tfl.nu/tjtk
  Replies (4) Good night (1202) Bad night (1816)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?

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  (973): She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike? http://tfl.nu/jtxw
  Replies (10) Good night (3255) Bad night (716)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down

  (253): View more from Washington

  ppsyche im wasted where are you

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  (253): i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down (253): ppsyche im wasted where are you http://tfl.nu/a8tg
  Replies (5) Good night (3526) Bad night (603)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.

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  (651): I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen. http://tfl.nu/ant7
  Replies (9) Good night (2407) Bad night (503)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.

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  (636): We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer. http://tfl.nu/h1wg
  Replies (5) Good night (879) Bad night (386)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.

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  (832): Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only. http://tfl.nu/5mf4
  Replies (4) Good night (619) Bad night (275)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"

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  (719): What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family" http://tfl.nu/mzlk
  Replies (1) Good night (305) Bad night (167)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it

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  (712): I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it http://tfl.nu/a3ns
  Replies (1) Good night (300) Bad night (216)

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