Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions