I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize