it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
