Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
