he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
