in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Randomize
